Redemption

Well - this morning I was not down to 130 - but I was at 133. Just think, if I had stayed on plan that pound would put me at 129. Well - I am really thinking about what gets me off.

What are my thinking patterns that talk me into doing what I want but don't want. Why does the part that wants to eat win out. That is not true for a lot of people. The part that wants to be thin and in shape rules the day.

Buddhist monks spend their lives training their rational brain to overrule their emotional brain. Some that are of the most austere orders will meditate while sitting on sharp rocks and completely turn out the pain and discomfort.

I have been in a rigorous debate with my brother-in-law. There were many things I enjoyed about the debate. One was that it forced me to make sure that my facts were straight and that I had done my homework.

But it obsessed me. He sent an article by a person that had as many critical thinking errors and logical flaws as there are in existence. He might have invented a few new ones. I dreamt about the article. I refuted it, corrected it, pointed out the flaws and awoke exhausted and preoccupied.

I went to work and my mind raced. I could not meditate. I could not concentrate. The debate is over and that is good, but I want to not have my scattered, busy, neurotic brain running my calm, zen, almost arrived in nirvana brain.

I have been working on training my brain - but it is time to get more serious about this. With my habits, structures, routines and other life managing processes - good focus and meditation would really help me.